Hey there. Welcome

This is Hossain's place. At the time I'm writing this, I'm a senior at ____. A senior whose façade of excellence has totally fallen apart by those who knew him. More on that later

I created this page (and my Neocities account) during the summer of 2021. I thought that making it would give me some mental clarity so that I could prepare for senior year. I was inspired by a few archived Geocities websites made by seniors who went to my high school twenty years ago. One was made by some girl who liked anime, another was made by some chick who wanted to have an online journal and the last one was a place to store photos. You know, I tried to contact the people behind those websites and let them know that their work still exists. One website had an email that doesn't exist anymore but the other two had emails that are still online. I emailed them using my school email so that they know I'm from their former HS but they haven't responded. It's been a few months. My worry is that by the time they reply, I'll already have graduated from HS. My school closes our emails a few days after graduation, so yeah. It's possible I'll never hear back from that. I guess that's okay.

guess what?

I didn't really work on this at all during the summer like how I was supposed to. But today is Sunday, 2021-10-10. We're having a longer weekend than usual because school is going to be closed Monday for Columbus Day or Indigenous Peoples' Day. I told myself this Friday would be different from other fridays. I'd go to the library near school and stay there until it closes. Then I'd go home, take a shower, drink some tea and continue work. Catch up on all the schoolwork/notes I've missed, and then sleep. My goal for this weekend was to basically do all that, but I failed. Instead of going to the library after 3:35, I hung around after school and wasn't productive at all. I decided to attend a meeting of the South Asian Feminists of ____ Club because I was curious what the people there had to say. I didn't expect to like it that much.

My friend Alvi and I hung around by the room where it was supposed to be held (235) but the people who were supposed to hold the meeting weren't there yet. Alvi had to go to the bathroom anyways, and the 2nd floor bathroom was dirty from shoe marks (from wet shoes). It's one of the bathrooms that must get the most traffic because the 2nd floor is the bridge floor so everyone enters the building through that floor. No one wants to use a dirty ass bathroom so I came with Alvi up to the third floor so that he could use the bathroom there. I didn't enter with him. I saw a club meeting was going on in the third floor, so I decided to blend right in. It was for a school publication. I had no intention of joining the club and I was never involved with it to begin with but the meeting seemed really boring. The room was full but everyone was quiet. I walked in and sat down. The two girls who were holding the meeting left the room for some reason. That's when I stood up and started talking like I was a leader of the club. I'm a senior so I looked the part. The two leaders had a Google Doc. pulled up on their Macbook that outlined what they wanted to discuss so I just went with it. I spoke in this way that was loud (so everyone could hear me) but also kind of... humorous? The audience giggled while I spoke. I hope I made their day better. The two leaders came back looking very confused. I didn't let that bother me though. I continued talking and they just started playing along with it. After a while of talking, I went to the back of the room and suck out the backdoor of the room when no one was looking.

It was ~4:25 by then. The school closes its building at 5, so yeah. My friend Alvi was waiting for me (outside of the room of the club I was speaking at) for the whole time. He started laughing, thinking about how I totally hijacked their meeting. He told me he thought I made their meeting better. But I can't help but think maybe I shouldn't have done that. I just act on impulse sometimes. Think about that guy from the movie Holes, Twitch, who can't help but stealing things when he gets a twitch. When I get a twitch, I can't help but mess around by playing along with stuff like I'm a part of it.

So I went to room 235 to visit the South Asian Feminists of ____ Club's meeting but Alvi was too shy to come in. He ended up waiting outside until it was over. When I entered and sat down, I noticed the room had like 5 girls in it (one East Asian and four South Asian) and one dude (East Asian, sitting down taking notes on a laptop). I think they were all Sophomores or something. The kids asked me if I was a freshman, and I calmly said no. Then they asked me what grade I'm in. I was waiting for this moment. I humbly, nonchalantly, said that I'm a senior. They apologized. I felt good inside. I tried to give a great first impression—standing up straight with good posture, pronouncing all my syllables, and using filler words like "um" or "uhhh" as rarely as possible. The discussion was actually pretty good. I mean I'm South Asian and so I could understand a lot about what the ladies were talking about. I kind of forgot the East Asian dude was there because he was sitting in the back. I wish I involved him in the discussions more. I might actually start coming to their meetings regularly. I got the opportunity to talk about things that I've thought about for a long time but kept inside.

I then took the train home with Alvi. When I got home, I just took a shower and ate. Then I went to bed, telling myself that the rest would be good for my back and then I'd get up and start doing a lot of work. After a while, I got comfortable and told myself: "Hey. It's like 10PM. Set an alarm for 1AM. Wake up then and do work." I slept through the alarm. Then, during Saturday I got up at like 7, took a shower (brushed my teeth too) and then went back to bed. Slept until it was 12. Watched YouTube until 6. Then I got into a fight with my little cousin on the phone. Got angry and stayed in bed. Fell asleep and now its Sunday. This happens a lot. And I hate it. It's 2:45PM right now but guess what? I'm probably not going to accomplish anything.

I mean I have to freaking catch up on AP Chem. I need to take a Unit 1 Exam this Tuesday and I need to finish all my homework. We just finished Unit 2. I pushed off the Unit 1 Exam for so long because basically I was gone from school for like 3 days and then for 2 days I skipped class because I didn't want to take the quizzes and fail. I took the quizzes last friday because my teacher forced me to. I failed them anyways. Everything's falling apart. I haven't started my college apps at all. I failed to meet my questbridge deadline and still fucked up with an extension. I got a club that I haven't gotten going yet. I have my email unread for two weeks. I have messenger messages (which are strictly academic related) unread for like two weeks two. I cant bring myself to get my homework done at home. Its not a good start to the school year

I'll put in my e-mail for contact later

moving this to an "about me" page later. I play ROBLOX sometimes so you might be able to find me there. My username is rifath33. Here's a link to my profile.

list of things to accomplish: